stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
