I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
