wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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