My balls are so social today.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
