i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
