don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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