The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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