are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
