Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
