it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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