VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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