You can't special order awesome
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
