Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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