a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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