so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
