hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
