Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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