is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
