Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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