by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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