Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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