Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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