he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
