If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
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That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
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Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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