we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
