Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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