Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
