when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
