Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
