Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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