You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
