you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
