I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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