No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
