I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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