Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You're earring is so big in my mouth
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
