U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
