I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
