Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
