First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
