Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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