His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
