My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
