Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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