so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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