Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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