i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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