He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
