I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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