It's like God shit irony all over that family
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
