I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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