Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
