Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
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i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
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After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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