It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
