I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
