I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
