but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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