i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came in the potted fern
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Someone signed my nipple.
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