My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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