my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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