So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
